Happy Harvest

"The spiritual journey is not about heaven and finally getting to a place that's really swell."

- Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

I've just come in from yet another abundant harvest. Tomatoes galore! (I recommend the Arkansas Traveler heirloom variety from Seeds of Change for fat, flavorful slicers.)

Ben has been busy doing all of the canning this summer, and I've been busy giving away to family, friends and neighbors. Our pantry is full of the fruits of our labors, and the season of plenty isn't over yet! There's always more work to do in the garden and in life. Thank you for coming with me on this path.

Harvest is a time to recognize and enjoy how much we've grown. And believe me, we have had abundant growth this year. It's been fun. Well, not all of it. But I love it more each day. To really enjoy the fruits of life, we must lean in closer and look more deeply. Finding the fruits requires us to get down on our hands and knees and get a little dirty, a little itchy, a little... uncomfortable.

The book by buddhist nun Pema Chodron has been calling out to me from the shelf of my local bookstore for nearly a year. Yesterday I finally brought it home and started reading. Chodron reminds us that the courage to look honestly at our selves and to change is available to us in the worst of times. It is when we are humiliated, pissed off, jealous and hurt, that we have the opportunity to discover that all is not lost. We feel as if our bottom is dropping out, until we hit bottom. Then we sense the groundlessness of our beliefs, ideals, attitudes--everything that failed us. Only then do we begin to feel there is something still there, holding us up, cradling us, letting us know that we are okay.

That something is the very ground of our being. It's always there, and yet, we don't know it until we have the courage to lean closer into our wounds and fears and experience them as part of us. Not something to get rid of. Why would we? Aren't these wounds part of what makes us the individuals that we are? Aren't they what eventually leads us to discover our ripest, juiciest fruit?

Indeed, we may never overcome our deepest wounds. But we can become closer to our true nature, our ground of being, by digging deep and getting dirty.

Happy harvest,

Jessica

The Fruits of Summer

Summer arrived just in time this year. The garden is hardy and absolutely thriving on temperatures ninety degrees and upward. Raspberries are beginning to ripen, and just this morning I spied the first zucchini and cucumber of the year! Now the garden is growing itself and the living is easy...

Starting a garden involves a lot of mindfulness work. You compost all year, plan and prepare your space, select seeds and keep them wet around the clock, plant your starts, weed till your joints ache, all while watching and tending to what is happening. Then, all of a sudden you realize your attentiveness has nurtured something that will sustain you.

Now you can lie back and enjoy the fruits of summer, right? Talk to me again in July-August and I may be humming a different tune. But for now, let us dwell in the perfection of the moment, before the canning mayhem ensues!

Lately I have found myself trying too hard during my Yoga Nidra practice. Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation of self-inquiry and enlightenment. Today, in the spirit of summer, I let myself take a little snooze during my practice... My teacher always says it is no problem to take a nap during the practice because awareness is always awake and aware. There is a part of us that is always tuned in to a deeper reality.

It was quite possibly, the best nap I've ever had. It may not have been the best meditation session I've ever experienced, but then again, I suppose it was just what I needed. My phone rang almost immediately upon waking. It was my old boss, calling to offer a little contract work! Just the thing I have been looking for, but what a nice and pleasant surprise that it came to me without my searching and pining for it.


Namaste,
Jessica

P.S. I promise to post pictures of the garden soon!

Growing in tight spaces

People have lots of excuses for not growing their own food. Mainly, time and space. Time and space, by the way, are illusions. True, they seem real. Then again, that's the definition of an illusion. I invite you to think about it next time you experience deja vu.

I used to think I was too busy earning a living to grow my own food. I left most of the work to Ben while I recuperated from slaving at my day job. Then, I found myself suddenly without a job and a lot of restless energy.

I also found myself with little desire to go back to the way I had been living. I wondered about the possibility of becoming independent of a single source of income. I wondered if I could grow and preserve enough food to at least take a chunk out of the grocery bill. My mind was opening to the possibility of living the life I had been dreaming of.

So I doubled the size of our garden. You've heard of Square Foot Gardening... well, I'd like to introduce you to a little concept called Square Inch Gardening, a method of growing many plants packed closely together. This highly efficient method of gardening works so well because it emulates how plants grow in nature.

We're packing them close this year. With 900 square feet of vegetable garden, we don't have a problem with space for growing food. However, we do have a problem relaxing and finding time to enjoy the fruits of our labor.

I'm almost finished planting and my back is a little sore. I used to be a very tight person, physically and psychologically. Although I am much more open now, I am still learning to let go a little and let nature take its course. Through yoga I have discovered the way to relieve tight spaces is to make more room for them.

Today I will honor my work's purpose -- cultivating life --by relaxing into those tight spaces. After all, the purpose of life is to enjoy it!

Much love,

Jessica

water under the bridge :: water through the drip system

With all the anxiety I've been feeling, I thought I'd post a way that seems to work for dealing with some of it.

Albert Ellis wrote about a concept called Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). He describes the difference between self-esteem and USA, and why unconditional self-acceptance is needed for sustainable mental health.

Self esteem is based on accepting -or liking- ourselves for our successes and good deeds; and not accepting ourselves for our shortcomings.

Unconditional Self Acceptance is the idea that we love, or accept ourselves no matter our actions and outcomes. We still judge our actions to be either good, bad, or somewhere in between, but completely holding off judgment of ourselves as human beings. So, you always love and accept yourself. No matter what.

I just spent two weekends trying to install a watering system for a garden we tripled the size of this year and I screwed up - over and over - costing money and time, both of which are in too short of supply. And every time I screwed up, I would swear like a soldier; a vocabulary of vileness that I would kick a student out of school for. All aimed at myself! Calling myself a slew of terrible names that would make a child cry.

And then each time, I would catch myself, and would look at the mistake again and see what I could learn from the situation. Getting mad at myself sure doesn't help; but learning what to do differently with a clear mind sure can.

I could have saved myself $30-$40 bucks and a full afternoon of work had I started the project with a better plan. And next weekend, I will have to spend the Saturday and another $30-$40 to finish it.

I really, really want to be pissed off at myself. but it just wouldn't do any good. Not a bit. So... whatever, live and learn, C'est la vie. Change your mind.

Sometimes, in order to have a sustainable mind - you have to tell it to shut-up and get back to work, because you can sit there and swear at yourself all night - but you've got people waiting for you to love them back... including yourself.

Ben