water under the bridge :: water through the drip system

With all the anxiety I've been feeling, I thought I'd post a way that seems to work for dealing with some of it.

Albert Ellis wrote about a concept called Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA). He describes the difference between self-esteem and USA, and why unconditional self-acceptance is needed for sustainable mental health.

Self esteem is based on accepting -or liking- ourselves for our successes and good deeds; and not accepting ourselves for our shortcomings.

Unconditional Self Acceptance is the idea that we love, or accept ourselves no matter our actions and outcomes. We still judge our actions to be either good, bad, or somewhere in between, but completely holding off judgment of ourselves as human beings. So, you always love and accept yourself. No matter what.

I just spent two weekends trying to install a watering system for a garden we tripled the size of this year and I screwed up - over and over - costing money and time, both of which are in too short of supply. And every time I screwed up, I would swear like a soldier; a vocabulary of vileness that I would kick a student out of school for. All aimed at myself! Calling myself a slew of terrible names that would make a child cry.

And then each time, I would catch myself, and would look at the mistake again and see what I could learn from the situation. Getting mad at myself sure doesn't help; but learning what to do differently with a clear mind sure can.

I could have saved myself $30-$40 bucks and a full afternoon of work had I started the project with a better plan. And next weekend, I will have to spend the Saturday and another $30-$40 to finish it.

I really, really want to be pissed off at myself. but it just wouldn't do any good. Not a bit. So... whatever, live and learn, C'est la vie. Change your mind.

Sometimes, in order to have a sustainable mind - you have to tell it to shut-up and get back to work, because you can sit there and swear at yourself all night - but you've got people waiting for you to love them back... including yourself.

Ben